Statistics and warnings were created for people like me. Everything from wet floor signs, how my mph you can drive on a donut before it blows, to 1 in 4 will have a given negative outcome in any given situation. I am a walking something waiting to happen. When I was in 5th grade I tried to jump over a piece of wood on the playground and got two pins in my elbow and a cool purple cast for all my classmates to sign. When I was 12 and getting baptized I ignored the "slippery steps" sign getting baptized and did the Pastors job for him. When I was 14 I had a dress an inch too long and fell onto the stage as the maid of honor at my sisters wedding. As an adult I did things like drive my car into the side of a metal barrel in an empty parking lot. I have a history of taking the least likely outcome and making it my reality. If I thought the oceans and time zones might separate my from my fate, I was wrong. I'd been in Korea two months and finally stopped getting lost on the bus and started finding friends that I looked forward to seeing again. In support of a women's shelter I participated in a charity volleyball tournament with some friends. During the planning stages of the tourney I talked over the details with the organizer and because of the weather it was being moved inside. Her hope was that no one tried to be a hero and make rock star moves and hurt themselves since we would be playing on a hard floor. I assured her that few would take the games seriously and that everyone would have fun..there was no need to worry that someone would be dumb enough to risk injury to make a play.
I didn't know it then but I was only half right. No one acted a fool and did a suicide to save their team from losing a point, everyone had a good time, but one person got hurt. That person was me. I did nothing crazy, but managed to pivot off my leg in such a way to twist my knee and them crumble down on my leg folded beneath me. Long story short I managed to tear 3 ligaments, get an xray, an MRI, a temporary cast, 2 crutches and an appointment for reconstructive knee surgery with a 10-14 day hospital stay. That surgery was then postponed for 2 weeks in hopes of allowing certain things to heal, making surgery more successful. So I was given orders to stop working, stop bearing weight on my left leg, and to stay home for 2 weeks and rest. Rest is something that I excel at. I generally can sleep better in my car than most do at night with their favorite pillow. But after one full week of "rest", I'm restless and I'm learning things about myself.
For 8 days I've been home. Not even home really, but a small one room Korean apartment that I have yet to make my own with a single decoration, and with almost all my friends at least a 40-60 minute bus ride away. I tried leaving but learned that I only hurt my leg more for attempting it, so I stay home. I get at least one or two messages a day asking how my leg is, and it's doing pretty good. I'm learning to get around without my leg, can capture and move things with crutches from my bed, and am owning this injury. But what I'm not winning is the battle with my emotions. I'm used to being with coworkers and funny kids all day and with friends on the weekends. I usually spend relatively few non-sleeping hours in my apartment. Now I spend 24 of 24 hours in my apartment. I'm bored and I'm lonely.
A friend here recently brought up "love languages" and while I don't usually speak in those terms, in order to answer her questions I had to actually contemplate how I show love to others and what makes me feel most loved. I tried to think "what do I do or say with the people I love". I leave fudge on their doorstep, I drive 12 hours to Nebraska alone at 9pm because my friend is homesick, I crochet a blanket, I wash the dishes, I hold the baby so the toddler can be put to sleep, I leave a note on their windshield wiper....but those are all ways I showed love. I struggled a bit with what made me most feel loved. But being home alone for 8 days has made it abundantly clear. Quality time. I feel loved when I'm spending time with people. I'm happy when I'm spending time with people. Gifts are nice, as are words, but they don't make my cup runneth over with love. I appreciate when people drop off gifts, or send me a text to check on me, but when I feel the best is when I see people. I think life is meant to be shared, and there is nothing communal about living in a 15x15 Korean shoebox alone while the rest of the world does life together. I like the quote "Happiness is only real, when shared". It's from the book Into the Wild, and while I'm not about to eat poisonous berries and die alone in the wilderness, I think life, love, and happiness are all meant to be shared. And for the next 3 weeks....I am cut off from sharing those with the community I've made here in Korea and even further from being able to share them with my family and friends back home. So if I am a little too quick to respond to everything on facebook that normally I wouldn't respond to at all...it's boredom talking. But in return I'll get a new knee and a clear understanding of just what my love language is if I happen to be asked ever again.My name is Leslie, I'm accident prone, and my (receiving) love language is quality time and acts of service.
Next blog post: General Hospital (tales from my stay in a foreign hospital) o.O
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